A Hard Adjustment: January

As you can tell from the title it was a very hard adjustment coming back from the United States to Burkina Faso. Do not worry about me now (February 13th) I am doing fine and have finally readjusted to life here. I am going to share with you a journal entry from January 13th to get a snap shot of how I mentally was.

"I have had trouble readjusting to life back in Burkina. I know a lot

has to do with how people are so unthankful about the presents I

brought back with me from my vacation. (I give them photos and they

demand why I did not give them an album or where is the chocolate).

All my neighbors thought I was in Ouaga or OHG with my host family.

The second I came back they are asking me what I brought them back and

then when I give them something they briefly say thank you and then

ask me what else I brought them. If I give a different gift to

someone they want that gift and not the gift I gave them. Or if there

is not enough of one gift they pester me asking me where their gift

was. I do not know why I even bothered buying them anything. And

then at ASUDEC they know that I went home to America so they are

expecting me to give them iPods or electronic things. I spent so much

money and I feel like shit and it is making me hate it here now.

America has made me so jaded about life here. I hate being stared at

everyday and being called names. It is also so hot and I feel like I

am making no difference. After my two years nothing will have

changed. Nothing I do here is sustainable and I am playing into their

hands by giving them things. For the first time in my service I am

counting down the days to when I can leave. It is too hot and too

dirty here and I just want to have modern comforts. I know i value my

free time and my solitude but I am tired of my life being on hold.

Everyone in the States is moving on, settling down,

and I am here debating if I am in the mood to leave my house. I feel

listless about eating because the food sucks, there is no variety and I

am kicking myself for not eating more bacon while I was home. I know

this is a phase and that I just have to push past it but it does not

make it any less hard. I always wondered why second year volunteers

are more jaded and eager to get back to their lives and I now know

why. They finally give up the ghost that they can accomplish any form

of development during their two years of service. It is now 3:30am

and i have not been getting much sleep at night. I will have to go

back to drugging myself with benedryl to get to sleep. No other time

in my life have I been so afraid of the dark, so much so that I double

lock every door and freak out at the slightest noise (most of the time

just a pig). I am a VERY GOOD COMPARTMENTALIZER, can do it for pain,

love, and truth; but right now I can not realistically grasp why I am

here. Is it that I have nothing to look forward to? No one coming to

visit or no vacation to the developed world to get me through the

tough days. The heat and environment here is draining and in my life

time my village will not even see the development that Ouaga has.

When I leave I will become just a memory, another white foreigner that

comes into their lives and then leaves never to return again. There

is only so much dirt, dust, heat, and tô I can take right now.""

I do not mean to be depressing but I want you reader to know that life can be hard and difficult being a Peace Corps Volunteer is mostly mental because we spend so much time with ourselves. I can luckily look back now on January and say that it was a wash. It was hard on me because I was not busy at all with my NGO. When I would stop by the bureau no one was there because they were all out in the villages. January is when they do their end of the year reporting. There was NO WORK for me.

My saving grace was the National Geographic Magazine (NGM) database my dad got me for Christmas. It has been amazing, it goes all the way up to the end of 2008. I started in December 2008 and read an issue a day and feel very productive now.

I knew that work would start back up in February, and it has, it was just getting over the hump of coming back to Burkina.

All I know is that I definitely plan on leaving after my two years of service. I had been toying with the idea of staying on a couple extra month but I think I am ready to get back to life in America.

I am still plugging away and hoping for funding help from friends and family for the traveling village library here in Diebougou. Go to www.mrsarmstrong.com for more information and opportunities to donate!!!